Finally It’s Over

Lazy-College-Senior-Funny-Meme-On-Finals-WeekFinals week is upon us! The last week of every semester in college seems to be the hardest, yet easiest at the same time. No more classes equals lots of free time for every body; but important tests which may break or make your grade loom just over the horizon of the following Monday. Finals week is definitely bittersweet.

Seasonality makes finals even worse. I’m from Missouri and here we have all four seasons unlike other places. The spring semester is the worst finals week of them all I feel. The weather starts to warm up, the sun comes out, we all start dressing for the summer, and most of all we start to procrastinate because of all this. Who wants to sit inside and study when it’s beautiful outside? Yeah, finals week is bittersweet.

So, some words of advice: study early! Don’t be like the guy above, or do, it’s your grade. Good luck!

 

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Weekend Grilling: Best Burger Recipe

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As the title says I have the best burger recipe ever! I was unable to take pictures because my phone died, but I will include pictures that describe what I’m talking about.

As always, acquire all of the ingredients. This recipe calls for some worcestershire sauce, black ground pepper, white salt, ketchup, ground beef, beer, and your typical hamburger accessories such as buns, lettuce, cheese, etc…

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Get a bowl that is large enough for whatever amount of meat you are using. We had a five pound meat log so our bowl was fairly large.

Toss your ground beef in there and add ketchup, worcestershire sauce, black pepper, white salt, a dash of beer, and mix to taste. But don’t actually taste it. Add a pinch/dash of everything per pound of meat.

Once the meat is seasoned and mixed up it’s time to prepare your patties. Make your typical burger shape and lay them on a wax sheet or saran wrap for safe keeping. Before you cook though, take a spoon and depress the center of the burgers. Do your burgers rise in the center a lot while cooking? This will keep that from happening and came from Gordon Ramsey himself. Your burgers will be perfectly level and delicious for everyone.

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These aren’t mine, but they should look similar to this once depressing the center with a spoon

Toss them on the grill and cook to taste, but make sure you flip only once, don’t push on them with the spatula, and remember that they keep cooking once you take them off. The trick to good burgers is the timing. Enjoy!

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Weekend Grilling: The Poppers

That’s right everyone, I’ve got some jalapeno popper grill works coming at you today. I’ll show you how to prepare these delicious bacon covered savory snacks because that’s how I do it, covered in bacon. So without further adieu, let’s get started.

First make sure you grab all the ingredients you need. Jalapenos, cream cheese, cheddar jack shredded cheese, bacon, mini-weenies, some toothpicks and your grill.

Make sure you start that grill before preparing the food if it’s charcoal so the coals can burn down!

ALSO! SOAK YOUR TOOTH PICKS IN WATER SO THEY DON’T BURN

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First cut the heads and tails off of your jalapenos (the top and bottom if you don’t understand) leaving about 1-3 inches of the jalapeno left. Now core it and cut it in half. What you’re left with should resemble this.

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After you’ve done that to all of your jalapenos, grab your cream cheese and shredded cheese and mix until you’re happy with your creamy goodness.

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Take your jalapeno “boat” as I call them and spread a little cream cheese inside as paste

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Add your mini-weenie, wrap in a half piece of bacon, and stick a toothpick through it so it stays together on the grill. It’s important to use a half piece of bacon to ensure the bacon cooks thoroughly, if not it’ll be too much and the outside will be charred while the inside will be under cooked.

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You’re end result so far should look like this.

Once they are all wrapped up and toothpicked, set them all in some sort of tray and sprinkle some brown sugar on each one. Then, they are ready for the grill!

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After grilling them for about ten minutes, they should look similar to this. Enjoy! Don’t forget to share with your friends!

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Breakfast Badassery

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Hello readers! Today I’ve got something that will absolutely blow your taste buds away! It’s essentially a breakfast muffin with a little twist. Feel free to follow the steps below to breakfast badassery!

(1) Acquire the necessary items! This includes eggs, biscuits, bacon, some non-stick cooking spray, a muffin pan, and some skillets. And of course some friends to share with afterwards. Make sure to preheat your oven to whatever heat the biscuits tell you to!

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(2)Prepare the food! Go ahead and scramble your eggs and set them aside. The bacon in this recipe is a bit different though, instead of tossing it in your skillet like usual you need to cut the bacon in slivers. By doing this it cuts every slice of bacon into tiny pieces and when you toss them into the skillet, out comes bacon bits. If you’re a little confused just look at the pictures below.

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(3) Prep the muffin pan! Although my biscuits said “un-greased cookie sheet” I was not taking any chances. I sprayed the whole thing down with some non stick cooking spray just for good measure. Begin laying the biscuits into the muffin pan with the large end of the triangle (if you’re using the same ones I did) inside the hole. If using circular biscuits simply tear them in half and put half on the bottom.

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(4) Start your layering! with the biscuit on the bottom you can begin filling your “muffin.” I put cheese in first, then eggs, bacon, and some more cheese. After you’re done loading it with food simply fold the remaining portion of the biscuit over and tuck it in.

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(5) Bake! although my biscuit package said 10-12 minutes at 375 I ended up leaving mine in for about 15-18 minutes at 375. Just keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t burn!

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(6)ENJOY! Bring friends over the night before and surprise them with awesome breakfast food. I hope you enjoyed this weeks cooking post! It’s actually really simple to make these at home, it’s not like those recipes you see on the internet that go horribly awry when you try them out yourself. If you have any sense about you you’ll be just fine.

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BACON PANCAKES!

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This is the photo that inspired me, I hope mine do the same to you.

That’s right everybody you read that correctly, today you will learn the awe-inspiring talent of how to make bacon pancakes! Follow the included directions below and soon enough you’ll have your own mouth-watering bacon pancakes of your own! Share or hoard them, it’s up to you!

(1) Get some kind of pancake mix.

I used Bisquick out of a box but any brand or mixture works. My box called for two eggs and a 1/4 cup of milk, so make sure you follow the directions on the back.

(2) Collect and add whatever ingredients you want to your pancake mix.

If you want to make chocolate chip strawberry bacon-cakes that’s ok. I like to keep it pretty simple and add a little sugar and vanilla to mine, about a tablespoon of each should suffice.

(3) Prep your cooking area!

I used an electric skillet, I highly advise using one for pancakes because of the even temperature it produces. I have never burnt anything on our electric skillet…ever… Seriously. Also make sure you have your pancake mix ready and waiting off to the side, as well as some cooking spray (if whatever you’re using isn’t non stick). A spatula would be useful, unless you’re the manliest of men and only flip food with your god-given spHANDtulas. Please don’t try that, it’s not as cool as you think.

(4) COOK THE BACON!

Sweet Odin’s beard bacon is good. Make sure you toss that shit on the skillet and let it sizzle until almost done. REMEMBER NOT TO COOK THE BACON ALL THE WAY. It will continue to cook when you pour the pancake mixture over it so make sure it is cooked thoroughly but not to a crisp.

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It should look something like this

(5) Drizzle over that sizzle.

Once the bacon is cooked to your liking (but not to a crisp) pour your pancake batter over your bacon in one fluid motion. The amount of batter required will vary but as long as the bacon is completely submerged it will be perfectly fine.

My hand wasn't as steady as it could have been, but it if looks similar to this you are on the right track

My hand wasn’t as steady as it could have been, but it if looks similar to this you are on the right track

(6) Let the pancakes cook, then flip, then cook some more.

There isn’t a universal time for flipping pancakes, but my tell is when the edges start to curl up a little bit. Once you pour the pancake batter on try to refrain from messing with them until you absolutely have to. Once the edges start to curl and some bubbles start to show up in the batter you’ll know it’s time to flip.

After flipping

After flipping they should look similar to this. Mine were fairly sloppy, but they looked good to me.

(7) Plate your masterpiece.

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No breakfast meal is complete without some chocolate milk

(8) If you cook it, they will come

That’s right, so make sure you cook enough for all of your friends too. Invite them over for an evening of debauchery and games while also blowing their minds with this kickass bacon pancake meal.

And because my humor is that of a five-year old, here is what I did with the extra batter.

(9) Make a pan-cock.

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Yeah, I really did this

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And yes, it was delicious

National Park Budget Cuts = Not Manly

WHAT IS UP!?  Feel free to comment and let me know what you’ve been up to the last week or so over spring break. Speaking of, I hope you all head a phenomenal break like I did, I’m glad you all made it back to campus if you go to Northwest Missouri State University like I do, if not, why aren’t you going here? Back on topic!

I don’t know if any of you have heard about the recent sequester that has been going on in congress and the like, but it isn’t good. I think? Honestly I have no clue what a sequester even is, I’ve googled it up/left/right and back down and still don’t understand it. Bureaucracy, am I right? No? Yeah I didn’t think so… Anyways, one main thing that came out of this sequester that I do understand are budget cuts. Loads and loads of budget cuts, including some on our national parks.

Seeing as how I’m in school to become a geologist, this pains my soul! National parks are kick ass! If you haven’t been to one I highly suggest you go, a Sate Park would do. Just get outside! Too many people stay inside too much thanks to websites like Netflix and Hulu, along with Xbox Live. Go climb a tree. No seriously go climb a tree.

You’re back? How was it? You didn’t fall did you? No? Good. Let’s continue.

As of today, the first of April 2013, federal budget cuts force Yellowstone Park to curtail Old Faithful eruptions. This is really disappointing, Yellowstone has been a milestone for every outdoors-man and traveler. It’s almost the American rite of passage to visit it and witness the awesomeness that is the Old Faithful eruption. Instead of having eruptions every hour and a half, the national park will essentially be throttling the amount of water allowed into the area to only allow two to three eruptions a day.

So since Old Faithful won’t be as faithful as it was in the past, I guess we’ll simply have to find another way of having fun at Yellowstone… Hmm… What to do… Why not traverse Bacon Rind Creek Trail? What, you think I’m joking? I’m not, so click the link to the left or below and let’s plan a group hike through some bacon.

I hope your break was as great as mine was. Tell me about how drunk you got in the comments! Or how awesome your mom’s house was! Or whatever other story you feel like adding.

Links:

Bacon Rind Creek:  http://www.rei.com/guidepost/detail/montana/hiking/bacon-rind-creek-trail/40817

Federal Budget Cuts: http://www.yellowstonegate.com/2013/04/federal-budget-cuts-force-yellowstone-park-curtail-old-faithful-eruptions/

Best Cookware Set Ever

I’m moving into an apartment next semester and landed on this as my cookware set. I figured it was created to cook bacon, so It’ll help me up my bacon game as well as yours. Take a look and pre-order now, because I am for sure!

Get your cooking arsenal now! I’m not affiliated with Epic Meal Time in any way, but damn do I love them

Bacon Weave

This may be the coolest thing I have ever seen and I plan on making it a lot more from now on. It’s called a bacon weave, and I’m in love with it. Why haven’t we been doing this for ever? These kinds of things are what gives me hope for the human race, the fact that we can make weaves of bacon for our food, it’s fantastic. So in true fashion, here are a lot of bacon weave photos that we should all take inspiration from. Give your eyeballs some porn and enjoy.

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Bacon, It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore

After posting that s’mores challenge a couple posts back, I decided to look for “candy bacon” because in the video I gave to you guys it shows the good ol’ boys of Epic Meal Time “candying” their bacon. I was a little confused on what this was, and it’s basically brown sugar bacon. It sounds delicious. You know what else sounds delicious? Literal candy bacon, check this recipe out that I found. I’ll be doing my own one of these very soon, you can count on that. Today’s recipe combines Nutella and bacon, greatest idea ever.

Here’s the recipe, go check it out

Candy Bacon

Million Dollar Bacon With Dan Savage!

Hello everyone!

Last night I was lucky enough to be among a select few who were able to witness Dan Savage and all of his awesomeness in person. Ok, I lied, I wasn’t hand-picked or anything… It was a free show put on by my college. If you don’t already know, Dan Savage is an American author, journalist, and newspaper editor. He also writes the international relationship and sex advice column known as Savage Love. Savage has also been broadcast across MTV on his television show titled Savage U, where he speaks to individuals at different colleges about their problems pertaining to sex. 

I was of course excited as hell to see Dan Savage in person since I have been a fan of his for several years now. And I am especially a fan of his frankness and personal need to be as open and transparent as possible, I tend to find that a key trait in people I associate with. That being said, holy shit was he frank. I’ve watched him on television for a while now and like how open he is, but television is censored… This was not. Savage’s live ‘performance’ was 18+ only and I completely understand why, he literally answered every question we threw at him openly and as precise as he could, using common slang terms as well as medical references. And you know how accurate medicine is.

If you’re wondering just how open he was, here’s an example. Upon entering the room where Savage was to speak, we were all handed a note card and instructed to write a question down in hopes he would be able to answer it. Savage himself said he prefers to work in a “Q and A format” because that is the easiest way to get right to the point. But it makes sense that he does this, Savage is an advice columnist, he answers questions for a living. So upon receiving these note cards, a friend of mine and I decided to write the most absurd thing we could think of for a ‘straight’ male to say. Just to defend myself, if you are not ‘straight’ and are reading this, please don’t mistake anything I’ve said/say as ‘gay bashing.’ I am not a homophobe in any way, I have several homosexual friends and feel that everyone should have equal rights. I am do not participate ni any lgbt or gay rights clubs or organizations though, I was simply having some stupid fun with a friend.

That being said, we proceeded to write down: “Is it weird that I finger my butt-hole while I masturbate?” We never thought in a million years that Dan Savage would ever read that note card and actually answer it. Well, we were wrong… It was the first note card he read from and answered. And to give you an example of how open he is, he told us that it wasn’t weird at all, but becomes weird if we start doing it while we aren’t masturbating… if   we were doing that whilst speaking on the phone with our grandmother or during class. I literally cried hearing him say this. The fact that butt-hole and my grandma were used in the same sentence almost killed me. And the questions only got worse/better.

After he concluded our joke message, Savage continued rifling through every note card in his stack, answering every question to the best of his ability. However I couldn’t stop thinking that some of those questions seemed quite loaded, like some one else had the same idea as my friend and I did. Regardless, the jokes that came with the advice were priceless. I laughed so hard my jaw was sore, and that hasn’t happened since I saw The Dictator in theaters.

In conclusion, Dan Savage is    in my opinion    by far the best sexual education teacher I have ever had. The health teachers I’ve had throughout the years have simply been awful, one slept during class while we messed around because he was a wrestling coach and didn’t give two shits about teaching, and the other was to be a professional baseball player but tore something in his shoulder rendering him ineligible to play. The latter of the two was ridiculous, I’m not sure he could scratch his nose he was so muscular.

This post seems to be all over the place, but the main thing I wanted to get across was GO SEE DAN SAVAGE IF YOU EVER HAVE THE CHANCE! He was helpful, honest, funny, smart, and even stuck around to meet any of us who wanted to.

And if you never get a chance to see Dan Savage in person I’m sure you can look up anything you want about him on the internet. I hope you all have a nice day, here’s some bacon to make it better. It’s a recipe on how to make “million dollar bacon.”

Million Dollar Bacon Recipe