EPIC MEAL TIME

If you haven’t heard  yet there is a YouTube sensation known as Epic Meal Time; and just as their name sounds, they make epic ass meals for their friends to enjoy. Something that I absolutely agree with and do for my friends almost every weekend. Now if you don’t understand what I mean by “Epic Meals” then you may be in for a surprise, and a stomach ache, because their food gets pretty gross sometimes. Honestly, if they weren’t so drunk when they were eating it I don’t think they would be able to finish the meals they create.

Epic Meal Time is comprised of several men from Canada who enjoy creating high calorie meals involving shit loads of bacon, Jack Daniels, and meat (lots of meat). Harley Morenstein first created Epic Meal Time with his friend Sterling Troth– the camera man. Morenstein is actually a former substitute high school teacher from Montreal, best substitute ever am I right? Also included in the lineup is personal trainer Alex Perrault who by trade is a personal trainer, and in show he portrays his speechless alter ego “Muscles Glasses” who eats fist-fulls of food and boasts aviators.

Epic Meal Time isn’t just about the food though, they love including random celebrities on their short films as well. They’ve included Jamie Oliver, Tony Hawk, Deadmau5, Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla from Smosh, along with many others.

Included below are some of their best works in my opinion. Check out their YouTube page for more!

http://www.youtube.com/user/EpicMealTime?feature=watch

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Manly Vocabulary: Preparedness

Preparedness is a strange thing. It’s taught by many groups ranging from kindergarten to the time you graduate college, but it’s never truly defined and it never seems to actually help you in any way. It’s said that school prepares you for college, and college prepares you for life. I think that’s a load of horse shit, and here’s why.

I was in scouts when I was younger and the one thing they always said was “be prepared.” I joined as a cub and graduated throughout the ranks until I was eventually a full-fledged scout. And although I hated it, it wasn’t all that bad, I met one of my best friends in scouts and went on many adventures with the group of boys I eventually came to call my family. For a couple of years we played jokes on each other, built and tore down countless campsites, rolled countless sleeping bags, and took stupid classes at camp. We built fires, swam for hours, explored caves, shot rifles and bows, and got lost in the woods on purpose just to find our way back. But worst of all, we camped in the snow. Yeah I earned my below-zero badge several times, and it wasn’t fun at all. Ok it was pretty fun, but I don’t advise using summer tents to camp in mid winter, I’m getting shivers just thinking about it.

But there soon came a time when all of this brotherly friendship turned into something different, something more annoying than fun: we all grew up. A-frames were replaced by high school desks, bunk-mates were replaced by classmates, leaders with teachers,  fire pits and logs with cafeteria’s and tables crowded with chairs too small for your ass regardless of age,sex, or size. Tree’s and holes were replaced with bathrooms, charred burgers were replaced with mystery meats, and worst of all– friends were replaced by others. What was this world of porcelain and tile floors, sports teams and cliques, girlfriends and locker-mates? No one trained us for this, no one prepared us for this. No one cared to tell us that our friends would no longer talk to us because of what clothing we wore or music we listened to. You weren’t taught that your friend, who you’d bunked with for years, would become addicted to prescription drugs and drop out of high school to get his GED. You weren’t taught to deal with friends who you thought you knew attempt suicide– not for attention but to truly end their life. You weren’t trained to have every best friend you’d ever had move hours away and you certainly weren’t taught to deal with bullies who beat you up in the bathroom in between classes because you were different from them. Where the fuck was that preparedness course?

But you make it through, barely, some faring better than others. You graduate, hopefully, and look back at what you’ve accomplished. You look back at your old group of friends who now wear Abercrombie & Fitch rather than the uncomfortable tan shirt and olive drab pants of the past. You see the person you once called your best friend taken from you by drugs and alcohol because of family abuse. You watch your friends slowly sliding into mediocrity and think to yourself “what happened to wanting to be somebody?” But you carry on anyways and go to college to watch the cycle continue again. Friends come and go and classes blur into one giant shit storm of homework. You periodically check how your “friends” from back home are doing on Facebook or Twitter just to make sure they’re ok, even though they aren’t. You take unfathomable amounts of money out in loans to pay for your college, hoping you chose the right degree to pay it all off, trying not to think about what happens if you can’t. You go to class like a zombie, you procrastinate, eat wrong, gain weight, make friends, lose friends and fail classes. But you make it through, barely, some faring better than others. And you graduate, hopefully, and look back at what you’ve accomplished. You look back at your old group of friends, who now wear North Face rather than the ridiculous “preppy” clothing of the past. You see how much your teachers impacted you, changed you,molded you into who you are with their hammers of knowledge, and you say thank you. And you leave with zero dollars to your name and thousands of dollars in debt along with no idea on how to pay it off. So you move on and continue down the road called life.

And that’s the thing about preparedness. It isn’t taught in any school, or through any group, or by any one person. It’s taught by you, by your mistakes, by your misfortunes, by your failures, by your untouched level of dedication to be something better, to do something better. There is no preparing for the future the future is unforeseeable. Maybe that’s why the schools in America don’t teach you how to pay bills, take care of a child, change a flat on your car or integrate you into society. Then is it your parents job? Right, lets add that onto four jobs at one time, bills backing up, two kids in school one in college and a dad who doesn’t really give a shit. No, they have enough to do already.

Preparedness in my opinion is bullshit. You can plan all you want, but everything changes. Your four-year plan turns into a seven-year plan. Your plan to get that dream job is cut short by your inability to show up to your classes because “the party Saturday night was bumping.” And you’re plan to get ahead this time is ended by your slippery slope into who you were in high school.

If you’re going to prepare for anything, prepare to fail, it seems to be the only thing that is 100% going to happen other than death. Just remember this one thing: it isn’t how you fail but how you pick yourself back up afterwards that defines you as a person.

Hope this makes you feel better –> CLICK HERE FOR AWESOME

SNOWPOCALYPSE

If you live anywhere near the mid-west region of the United States you understand what I’m going through. Estimated 16 inches of snow that started this morning and plans on continuing through the weekend. Then on Monday an ice storm that is expected to produce the sleet equivalent of how much snow we’re getting currently.

On that note, everyone be safe, everyone go have fun, and everyone soak in this snow day (if you get one) and I’ll talk to you next week.

(Update)

False Alarm. Campus received approximately 4-6 inches of snow while my home town of Independence, MO received more than a foot. And there is another incoming storm expected to drop an estimated 15-20 inches back in the KC area on top of the last storm– and once more Maryville will receive 4-6 inches.

I don’t want to live in a world like this. When did Southern Missouri get more snow than Northern Missouri?

Manly Vocabulary: Ambition

Ambition: lots of people have it, and if you don’t have it you should get some. Ambition if you don’t already know– although I’m sure you do because you’re well versed in manly vocabulary– is the willingness to achieve greatness. Well that’s not the dictionary definition, but it’s a summary of it. Strictly speaking the willingness to achieve wealth in any way and the desire/dedication to actually attain that goal.

I have an ambition problem actually. I aspire to make loads of money, import skylines into the states once they’re twenty-five years old and no longer have problems coming through customs, have a nice house on some land that I built myself, four-wheelers, a badass garage, kids, and a large truck to tow all of that shit around in. Look, that’s nice to have high expectations like that, but let’s be honest… I can’t afford that, only celebrities can afford that. My ambitions tend to overwhelm my reality, and then I start to actually think about it and this is what will really happen. I’m still in college working towards my bachelors, once I graduate and achieve that I have two routes I can go: grad school or job.

If I follow the path of grad school I’ll be taking out more loans and living off of them. I’ll be a broke ass college kid once more, and let me tell you it isn’t fun. I’ll most likely hole up in some shit-shack near my graduate school, which won’t be anywhere near where I am now because going to the same school for both your undergrad and grad studies isn’t looked highly upon (life lesson of the day), so I’ll be far away and on my own.

If I follow the path of a job right out of college I’ll start to pay off my debts, hopefully within a couple of years I can get it all paid off and have a house of sorts that is at least nicer than my living conditions freshman year. I’ll have a full-time job which means I can buy a truck and make payments on it, eat whatever I want, and get a credit card and put myself in debt like the rest of the world. And maybe later on in life I’ll hit a glass ceiling at my job because of my lack of higher education, one can only hope!

Look, all joking aside, ambition is a real thing. And I feel a lot of people have such high expectations yet they refuse to put forth the efforts needed to achieve those higher goals. I was a shit-show last semester, I failed two classes making my fail count a total of three: Gen Bio, Russian History, and England History. I have excuses, yeah, but do they matter on my transcript? No. Frankly, flat-out, no bullshit, NO. Employers don’t give two shits whether you lost your leg that year or you got drunk every night like an elementary ed major. And quite frankly, people (yeah, you see that generalization?) seem to want more than they are willing to work for, and I was one of them. But not any more, because I’ve realized that ambition is good but in moderation. Take it slow at first, have a goal to finish this semester with B’s in all your classes, set ambitious weight goals if you’re trying to lose some. As long as you’re doing something you’ll be working towards the ultimate goal world domination a better you.

Yeah yeah that’s cliché as hell but whatever. Hope you liked my little rant. Here’s some bacon for you.

Failing: Everyone Is Doing It

Failure: something that everyone is afraid of, yet something that is and will always be inevitable. Failure happens, and I personally feel that it isn’t how you fail, or why you failed. Rather how you pick yourself up after doing so, that defines you as a person. Now I know that sounds like the quintessential “pick yourself back up” phrase, and it kind of is, but there is obviously some truth to it.

Last semester I was still planning on becoming a high school history teacher. My adviser didn’t give a shit what classes I took, and after taking a quick glance of my first collegiate schedule I had ever made for myself (freshman year is made for you at my school) she quickly signed off and gave me my pass code to sign up for classes. Want to know how I chose my classes? “This sounds cool, I’ll take that.” Terrible right? Yeah, it was. I was a first semester sophomore in college taking two 500/600 level classes (that’s second year graduate). Russian history and England history were the two classes, and boy do I hate those two classes. Don’t get my wrong though, I loved every second of the classes, I learned so much about both Russian and England, which I am still interested in today. But the problem manifested itself in the way of grades, and it quickly became apparent that I was not up to par with the level of class I was in. I tried my hardest to do well in both of the classes, but simply put, I was shitty at everything we did in there. Whether it was world news, history in general, or the kings of England, I didn’t know anything. And even though there was no prerequisites when I signed up, it was obvious that there were lots of prerequisites… like a degree in history.

Needless to say I failed them both. My 3.2 gpa from Freshman year was now ruined and had dropped to a measly 2-point-something — So low that I didn’t even want to look (and I still haven’t). I was in a box of shit for a while, just stepping and standing, wallowing in hate and guilt and lots of other emotions (yeah, I’m a dramatic “failer”). And after a close friend of mine rubbed some salt into the wound about how he had warned me about declaring a major in history, I decided to make a huge change and declared a new one.

It doesn’t matter how you fail, there’s always ways to step back onto the plate and swing again. Besides, you can’t fail until you try (and believe me I tried super hard, and failed super hard in those two classes). But in the end I’m glad I took them and failed, because it made me realize history wasn’t my thing. I’m not one of those “everything happens for a reason” kind of people, but I am glad that it happened. So regardless what you do, you’ll be fine as long as you don’t give up (so cliché…).

When I tell this story to people most of them ask why I didn’t drop the classes. The simple answer is I couldn’t. If I dropped I’d have to add two more classes to be a full-time student in order to keep my financial aid and my lap top the school loans everyone. When I tried to drop, no classes matched up with my schedule or they didn’t pertain to it. So I made the bold choice to ride it out… I was at a 30% in both of them by midterms. It was awful. But It’s in the past and I’m looking toward the future (can you say cliché?).

 

As always, here’s some awesome manly stuff. It’s a band I recently found and I feel the song is about failing and not wanting to give up. You may think differently but It makes me want to not give up and punch small children in the face with joy. Hope you enjoy.

 

 

Dubstep: It’s Not Computers Fucking

This seems to be everyone’s belief about dubstep, techno music, and anything like it.

And I don’t understand why everyone feels this way. People don’t understand how much effort goes into making songs, any song at that. When you really break it down, all music takes time to layer every lyric, every note, every sound, every drum beat, every backup vocalist, and everything else that goes into making music. And I hate it because all music is music, whether you like it or not some one does. There is no reason to be such a dick about differing opinions, right? So, in favor of all dubstep artists, here is a compilation of different genres of dubstep, because just like every other style of music there are different genres.

Toaster Oven Burgers: Bad Idea Of The Week

 

You asked for it (no you didn’t) so here it is! Toaster oven burgers. If your idea of fun is intently watching your toaster oven for the probable flash of fire and the imminent fear of burning your building down then this recipe is for you!

 

(Step 1)

 

Food: buy that shit.

 

(Step 2)

 

Foil: use it, a lot of it. Preheat oven on broil setting

 

 

(Step 3)

 

Seasoning: put it on the burgers.

 

 

Do they look something like this?

 

 

Good, let’s continue.

 

(Step 4)

 

Lay burgers on preheated rack that has been covered in foil. Poke holes in foil around burgers large enough for fat and grease to run through (I ended up adding loads more holes so do as many as you want). Make sure that you have a catch tray under those holes as well.

 

 

(Step 5)

 

Shut the door and start cooking.

 

 

Set your timer for five minutes. This may vary, five worked for me.

 

Grab your roommate a towel because he forgot one.

 

Screenshot_2013-02-02-15-29-03

 

(Step 6)

 

Come back in five minutes and flip the burgers. After you do that it should look something like this.

 

LEFT: not flipped         RIGHT: flipped

 

 

(Step 7)

 

Cook for another five minutes and enjoy. Feel free to check with a thermometer if they’re done or not.

 

 

Add some bacon and enjoy even more.

 

 

 

 

Honestly, these burgers were delicious. I wasn’t expecting them to be very good at all but after enjoying several apiece between my roommates and I, It was unanimously agreed that they can rival any burger cooked on a traditional grill. That being said, the reward wasn’t necessarily worth the risk. I caught my oven on fire several times, spent a lot of time holding a couple fans pointed towards the window to flush the smoke out, and cleaned up a lot of grease and fat from my oven. Regardless of all of that, I can’t help but love the fact that this actually worked. I had no idea they would turn out that good. They were delicious as hell, and only took a couple fires and close calls to make. Sounds like normal grilling, right?

So here’s my journey, hope you enjoyed it, try it at your own risk.

Packed as hell

Sorry everyone, not likely to have a lot of posts up this week. I have a test every day this week until next Tuesday. So give me a little patience and I promise to get some shit posted this weekend and most likely Wednesday-ish of next week. Ill add extra bacon to it all to make up for it.

PAINtball: The Painful Truth

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Paintball, unfortunately it doesn’t look like the above picture. If it did, I’m sure more people would know about it and play it.

But instead most people think of paintball as the picture below.

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And because of this image of an idiot who decided to, well, be an idiot, the sport (yes it is a sport) has a bad rap.

Paintball is unlike anything else, it combines agility, cunning, finger skills (quit your snickering), hand-eye coordination, and endurance all in one. Throw in competition, cash prizes, and hot tempered muscular men, you have yourself the same atmosphere as any other sport in the world, with the exception of British Cycling I’m sure.

Look, jokes aside paintball kicks ass and I encourage everyone I meet to give it a try. The biggest reason I hear people complain about it 1) cost and 2) pain. Honestly, yeah paintball costs a lot so if you don’t have the cash to spend on it don’t bother buying any equipment. Instead find your nearest field and go with some friends and rent the equipment from the field. They’ll hook you up and teach you all you need to know. Pain wise however, you may be surprised. Have you ever been pinched on the back of your arm by your asshole friend? Yeah we all have and it sucks, but that’s the closest thing I can compare to being shot by a paintball. Other than that, it’s kind of it’s own pain category, much like tattoos. There really isn’t anything much like getting a tattoo or being shot by a paintball gun except, well, getting a tattoo or being shot by a paintball gun.

If the pain thing is really the only thing keeping you from not trying paintball, grow a pair and go to your local field. I promise it’s all in your head, it doesn’t hurt at all. It’ll sting for maybe 30 seconds and then you’ll forget about it because of the amount of fun you’re having. So take your friends and go have some fun!

Here’s an informative video on what to expect when playing paintball for the first time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCpVniJJ08c

And here’s a video of some first time players (some of my favorite bands actually)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEAApkrPBwk

For those more adventurous people, go try Speed-Ball or X-Ball. These two types of paintball are the styles that I play personally, and it is much more intense. It takes everything I listed above and multiplies the intensity by a factor of ten. This is the type of paintball played by professionals, and yes there are pro’s in this sport. So if you’re interested check out the links below.

http://pspevents.com/

http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePBFashion?feature=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txE_SYLgBzo

I hope you join the sport, I love it and hope you will soon.