Superbowl Weekend: Toaster Oven Burgers/ Bacon

What’s up everyone!

As I’m sure you all know it’s Super Bowl weekend and I felt like doing an experiment instead of watching the Super Bowl since I don’t really care for football. WHAT?! I know what I just said so let me explain. When I was younger I actually did want to start playing football. My dad did, my uncles did, and basically everyone in the family did. But when a young child broke his neck and died while playing in the youth league in town because a coach there was forging papers and having older kids play down a level, it’s obvious to see why my parents didn’t let me. So instead I grew up playing soccer, and we tend to be rivals since, you know, the American sport stole our name and all. And from my experiences most of the football players in high school are shit heads. So I don’t really care for football. Not to mention the Chiefs suck.

So, back to the experiment. I’ve decided to grill burgers, but with a twist since the temperature outside continues to fluctuate around zero degrees. ZERO DEGREES FAHRENHEIT! That’s -32 degrees Celsius! Instead I’ll be using my trusty toaster oven, which is totally allowed in the dorms in college… The fire alarm went off three times a week my freshman year because jackass kids kept pulling it but not once because of my toaster oven. Fire hazard my ass!

I’m not sure what technique I’ll be using, if there even is a technique to cooking inside a toaster over. It’s just some semi-shitty $60 toaster oven I got from Target on sale for $40, plus a $20 off coupon. BOOM $20 toaster oven, and that’s honestly an appropriate price for what I got. Regardless It’s happening.

I’ve got a meat thermometer, a Rambo knife, shit loads of foil, a magazine I took from the pharmacy area in Hyvee about how to properly grill meats (like I said, it never hurts to learn something new), and a brick of beef thawing in the fridge (no seriously it’s a brick, my roommate asked me to throw it to him like a football and upon dropping it I’m pretty sure it chipped the concrete). Not to mention loads of excitement as well as some bacon! Unfortunately it’s just microwave bacon… BUT I’m cooking it inside the toaster oven as well. Because that’s what men do. I’ll make it up to you with some nice, expensive cheap ass bacon from Walmart.

Let’s see how this goes and I’ll get some pictures and a conclusion up within the next couple of days. Have a good Super Bowl weekend and be safe. None of that driving drunk bullshit. It costs $20 for cab fare or a hilarious drunk call to a friend to make it home safe. Seems like a lot less than a lifetime of guilt for killing an innocent person plus 5-10 in prison for manslaughter. So don’t be a fucking idiot.


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