Breakfast Badassery


Hello readers! Today I’ve got something that will absolutely blow your taste buds away! It’s essentially a breakfast muffin with a little twist. Feel free to follow the steps below to breakfast badassery!

(1) Acquire the necessary items! This includes eggs, biscuits, bacon, some non-stick cooking spray, a muffin pan, and some skillets. And of course some friends to share with afterwards. Make sure to preheat your oven to whatever heat the biscuits tell you to!


(2)Prepare the food! Go ahead and scramble your eggs and set them aside. The bacon in this recipe is a bit different though, instead of tossing it in your skillet like usual you need to cut the bacon in slivers. By doing this it cuts every slice of bacon into tiny pieces and when you toss them into the skillet, out comes bacon bits. If you’re a little confused just look at the pictures below.








(3) Prep the muffin pan! Although my biscuits said “un-greased cookie sheet” I was not taking any chances. I sprayed the whole thing down with some non stick cooking spray just for good measure. Begin laying the biscuits into the muffin pan with the large end of the triangle (if you’re using the same ones I did) inside the hole. If using circular biscuits simply tear them in half and put half on the bottom.


(4) Start your layering! with the biscuit on the bottom you can begin filling your “muffin.” I put cheese in first, then eggs, bacon, and some more cheese. After you’re done loading it with food simply fold the remaining portion of the biscuit over and tuck it in.


(5) Bake! although my biscuit package said 10-12 minutes at 375 I ended up leaving mine in for about 15-18 minutes at 375. Just keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t burn!


(6)ENJOY! Bring friends over the night before and surprise them with awesome breakfast food. I hope you enjoyed this weeks cooking post! It’s actually really simple to make these at home, it’s not like those recipes you see on the internet that go horribly awry when you try them out yourself. If you have any sense about you you’ll be just fine.








This is the photo that inspired me, I hope mine do the same to you.

That’s right everybody you read that correctly, today you will learn the awe-inspiring talent of how to make bacon pancakes! Follow the included directions below and soon enough you’ll have your own mouth-watering bacon pancakes of your own! Share or hoard them, it’s up to you!

(1) Get some kind of pancake mix.

I used Bisquick out of a box but any brand or mixture works. My box called for two eggs and a 1/4 cup of milk, so make sure you follow the directions on the back.

(2) Collect and add whatever ingredients you want to your pancake mix.

If you want to make chocolate chip strawberry bacon-cakes that’s ok. I like to keep it pretty simple and add a little sugar and vanilla to mine, about a tablespoon of each should suffice.

(3) Prep your cooking area!

I used an electric skillet, I highly advise using one for pancakes because of the even temperature it produces. I have never burnt anything on our electric skillet…ever… Seriously. Also make sure you have your pancake mix ready and waiting off to the side, as well as some cooking spray (if whatever you’re using isn’t non stick). A spatula would be useful, unless you’re the manliest of men and only flip food with your god-given spHANDtulas. Please don’t try that, it’s not as cool as you think.


Sweet Odin’s beard bacon is good. Make sure you toss that shit on the skillet and let it sizzle until almost done. REMEMBER NOT TO COOK THE BACON ALL THE WAY. It will continue to cook when you pour the pancake mixture over it so make sure it is cooked thoroughly but not to a crisp.


It should look something like this

(5) Drizzle over that sizzle.

Once the bacon is cooked to your liking (but not to a crisp) pour your pancake batter over your bacon in one fluid motion. The amount of batter required will vary but as long as the bacon is completely submerged it will be perfectly fine.

My hand wasn't as steady as it could have been, but it if looks similar to this you are on the right track

My hand wasn’t as steady as it could have been, but it if looks similar to this you are on the right track

(6) Let the pancakes cook, then flip, then cook some more.

There isn’t a universal time for flipping pancakes, but my tell is when the edges start to curl up a little bit. Once you pour the pancake batter on try to refrain from messing with them until you absolutely have to. Once the edges start to curl and some bubbles start to show up in the batter you’ll know it’s time to flip.

After flipping

After flipping they should look similar to this. Mine were fairly sloppy, but they looked good to me.

(7) Plate your masterpiece.


No breakfast meal is complete without some chocolate milk

(8) If you cook it, they will come

That’s right, so make sure you cook enough for all of your friends too. Invite them over for an evening of debauchery and games while also blowing their minds with this kickass bacon pancake meal.

And because my humor is that of a five-year old, here is what I did with the extra batter.

(9) Make a pan-cock.


Yeah, I really did this


And yes, it was delicious

Manly Vocabulary: Preparedness

Preparedness is a strange thing. It’s taught by many groups ranging from kindergarten to the time you graduate college, but it’s never truly defined and it never seems to actually help you in any way. It’s said that school prepares you for college, and college prepares you for life. I think that’s a load of horse shit, and here’s why.

I was in scouts when I was younger and the one thing they always said was “be prepared.” I joined as a cub and graduated throughout the ranks until I was eventually a full-fledged scout. And although I hated it, it wasn’t all that bad, I met one of my best friends in scouts and went on many adventures with the group of boys I eventually came to call my family. For a couple of years we played jokes on each other, built and tore down countless campsites, rolled countless sleeping bags, and took stupid classes at camp. We built fires, swam for hours, explored caves, shot rifles and bows, and got lost in the woods on purpose just to find our way back. But worst of all, we camped in the snow. Yeah I earned my below-zero badge several times, and it wasn’t fun at all. Ok it was pretty fun, but I don’t advise using summer tents to camp in mid winter, I’m getting shivers just thinking about it.

But there soon came a time when all of this brotherly friendship turned into something different, something more annoying than fun: we all grew up. A-frames were replaced by high school desks, bunk-mates were replaced by classmates, leaders with teachers,  fire pits and logs with cafeteria’s and tables crowded with chairs too small for your ass regardless of age,sex, or size. Tree’s and holes were replaced with bathrooms, charred burgers were replaced with mystery meats, and worst of all– friends were replaced by others. What was this world of porcelain and tile floors, sports teams and cliques, girlfriends and locker-mates? No one trained us for this, no one prepared us for this. No one cared to tell us that our friends would no longer talk to us because of what clothing we wore or music we listened to. You weren’t taught that your friend, who you’d bunked with for years, would become addicted to prescription drugs and drop out of high school to get his GED. You weren’t taught to deal with friends who you thought you knew attempt suicide– not for attention but to truly end their life. You weren’t trained to have every best friend you’d ever had move hours away and you certainly weren’t taught to deal with bullies who beat you up in the bathroom in between classes because you were different from them. Where the fuck was that preparedness course?

But you make it through, barely, some faring better than others. You graduate, hopefully, and look back at what you’ve accomplished. You look back at your old group of friends who now wear Abercrombie & Fitch rather than the uncomfortable tan shirt and olive drab pants of the past. You see the person you once called your best friend taken from you by drugs and alcohol because of family abuse. You watch your friends slowly sliding into mediocrity and think to yourself “what happened to wanting to be somebody?” But you carry on anyways and go to college to watch the cycle continue again. Friends come and go and classes blur into one giant shit storm of homework. You periodically check how your “friends” from back home are doing on Facebook or Twitter just to make sure they’re ok, even though they aren’t. You take unfathomable amounts of money out in loans to pay for your college, hoping you chose the right degree to pay it all off, trying not to think about what happens if you can’t. You go to class like a zombie, you procrastinate, eat wrong, gain weight, make friends, lose friends and fail classes. But you make it through, barely, some faring better than others. And you graduate, hopefully, and look back at what you’ve accomplished. You look back at your old group of friends, who now wear North Face rather than the ridiculous “preppy” clothing of the past. You see how much your teachers impacted you, changed you,molded you into who you are with their hammers of knowledge, and you say thank you. And you leave with zero dollars to your name and thousands of dollars in debt along with no idea on how to pay it off. So you move on and continue down the road called life.

And that’s the thing about preparedness. It isn’t taught in any school, or through any group, or by any one person. It’s taught by you, by your mistakes, by your misfortunes, by your failures, by your untouched level of dedication to be something better, to do something better. There is no preparing for the future the future is unforeseeable. Maybe that’s why the schools in America don’t teach you how to pay bills, take care of a child, change a flat on your car or integrate you into society. Then is it your parents job? Right, lets add that onto four jobs at one time, bills backing up, two kids in school one in college and a dad who doesn’t really give a shit. No, they have enough to do already.

Preparedness in my opinion is bullshit. You can plan all you want, but everything changes. Your four-year plan turns into a seven-year plan. Your plan to get that dream job is cut short by your inability to show up to your classes because “the party Saturday night was bumping.” And you’re plan to get ahead this time is ended by your slippery slope into who you were in high school.

If you’re going to prepare for anything, prepare to fail, it seems to be the only thing that is 100% going to happen other than death. Just remember this one thing: it isn’t how you fail but how you pick yourself back up afterwards that defines you as a person.

Hope this makes you feel better –> CLICK HERE FOR AWESOME

Manly Vocabulary: Ambition

Ambition: lots of people have it, and if you don’t have it you should get some. Ambition if you don’t already know– although I’m sure you do because you’re well versed in manly vocabulary– is the willingness to achieve greatness. Well that’s not the dictionary definition, but it’s a summary of it. Strictly speaking the willingness to achieve wealth in any way and the desire/dedication to actually attain that goal.

I have an ambition problem actually. I aspire to make loads of money, import skylines into the states once they’re twenty-five years old and no longer have problems coming through customs, have a nice house on some land that I built myself, four-wheelers, a badass garage, kids, and a large truck to tow all of that shit around in. Look, that’s nice to have high expectations like that, but let’s be honest… I can’t afford that, only celebrities can afford that. My ambitions tend to overwhelm my reality, and then I start to actually think about it and this is what will really happen. I’m still in college working towards my bachelors, once I graduate and achieve that I have two routes I can go: grad school or job.

If I follow the path of grad school I’ll be taking out more loans and living off of them. I’ll be a broke ass college kid once more, and let me tell you it isn’t fun. I’ll most likely hole up in some shit-shack near my graduate school, which won’t be anywhere near where I am now because going to the same school for both your undergrad and grad studies isn’t looked highly upon (life lesson of the day), so I’ll be far away and on my own.

If I follow the path of a job right out of college I’ll start to pay off my debts, hopefully within a couple of years I can get it all paid off and have a house of sorts that is at least nicer than my living conditions freshman year. I’ll have a full-time job which means I can buy a truck and make payments on it, eat whatever I want, and get a credit card and put myself in debt like the rest of the world. And maybe later on in life I’ll hit a glass ceiling at my job because of my lack of higher education, one can only hope!

Look, all joking aside, ambition is a real thing. And I feel a lot of people have such high expectations yet they refuse to put forth the efforts needed to achieve those higher goals. I was a shit-show last semester, I failed two classes making my fail count a total of three: Gen Bio, Russian History, and England History. I have excuses, yeah, but do they matter on my transcript? No. Frankly, flat-out, no bullshit, NO. Employers don’t give two shits whether you lost your leg that year or you got drunk every night like an elementary ed major. And quite frankly, people (yeah, you see that generalization?) seem to want more than they are willing to work for, and I was one of them. But not any more, because I’ve realized that ambition is good but in moderation. Take it slow at first, have a goal to finish this semester with B’s in all your classes, set ambitious weight goals if you’re trying to lose some. As long as you’re doing something you’ll be working towards the ultimate goal world domination a better you.

Yeah yeah that’s cliché as hell but whatever. Hope you liked my little rant. Here’s some bacon for you.

Failing: Everyone Is Doing It

Failure: something that everyone is afraid of, yet something that is and will always be inevitable. Failure happens, and I personally feel that it isn’t how you fail, or why you failed. Rather how you pick yourself up after doing so, that defines you as a person. Now I know that sounds like the quintessential “pick yourself back up” phrase, and it kind of is, but there is obviously some truth to it.

Last semester I was still planning on becoming a high school history teacher. My adviser didn’t give a shit what classes I took, and after taking a quick glance of my first collegiate schedule I had ever made for myself (freshman year is made for you at my school) she quickly signed off and gave me my pass code to sign up for classes. Want to know how I chose my classes? “This sounds cool, I’ll take that.” Terrible right? Yeah, it was. I was a first semester sophomore in college taking two 500/600 level classes (that’s second year graduate). Russian history and England history were the two classes, and boy do I hate those two classes. Don’t get my wrong though, I loved every second of the classes, I learned so much about both Russian and England, which I am still interested in today. But the problem manifested itself in the way of grades, and it quickly became apparent that I was not up to par with the level of class I was in. I tried my hardest to do well in both of the classes, but simply put, I was shitty at everything we did in there. Whether it was world news, history in general, or the kings of England, I didn’t know anything. And even though there was no prerequisites when I signed up, it was obvious that there were lots of prerequisites… like a degree in history.

Needless to say I failed them both. My 3.2 gpa from Freshman year was now ruined and had dropped to a measly 2-point-something — So low that I didn’t even want to look (and I still haven’t). I was in a box of shit for a while, just stepping and standing, wallowing in hate and guilt and lots of other emotions (yeah, I’m a dramatic “failer”). And after a close friend of mine rubbed some salt into the wound about how he had warned me about declaring a major in history, I decided to make a huge change and declared a new one.

It doesn’t matter how you fail, there’s always ways to step back onto the plate and swing again. Besides, you can’t fail until you try (and believe me I tried super hard, and failed super hard in those two classes). But in the end I’m glad I took them and failed, because it made me realize history wasn’t my thing. I’m not one of those “everything happens for a reason” kind of people, but I am glad that it happened. So regardless what you do, you’ll be fine as long as you don’t give up (so cliché…).

When I tell this story to people most of them ask why I didn’t drop the classes. The simple answer is I couldn’t. If I dropped I’d have to add two more classes to be a full-time student in order to keep my financial aid and my lap top the school loans everyone. When I tried to drop, no classes matched up with my schedule or they didn’t pertain to it. So I made the bold choice to ride it out… I was at a 30% in both of them by midterms. It was awful. But It’s in the past and I’m looking toward the future (can you say cliché?).


As always, here’s some awesome manly stuff. It’s a band I recently found and I feel the song is about failing and not wanting to give up. You may think differently but It makes me want to not give up and punch small children in the face with joy. Hope you enjoy.



Toaster Oven Burgers: Bad Idea Of The Week


You asked for it (no you didn’t) so here it is! Toaster oven burgers. If your idea of fun is intently watching your toaster oven for the probable flash of fire and the imminent fear of burning your building down then this recipe is for you!


(Step 1)


Food: buy that shit.


(Step 2)


Foil: use it, a lot of it. Preheat oven on broil setting



(Step 3)


Seasoning: put it on the burgers.



Do they look something like this?



Good, let’s continue.


(Step 4)


Lay burgers on preheated rack that has been covered in foil. Poke holes in foil around burgers large enough for fat and grease to run through (I ended up adding loads more holes so do as many as you want). Make sure that you have a catch tray under those holes as well.



(Step 5)


Shut the door and start cooking.



Set your timer for five minutes. This may vary, five worked for me.


Grab your roommate a towel because he forgot one.




(Step 6)


Come back in five minutes and flip the burgers. After you do that it should look something like this.


LEFT: not flipped         RIGHT: flipped



(Step 7)


Cook for another five minutes and enjoy. Feel free to check with a thermometer if they’re done or not.



Add some bacon and enjoy even more.





Honestly, these burgers were delicious. I wasn’t expecting them to be very good at all but after enjoying several apiece between my roommates and I, It was unanimously agreed that they can rival any burger cooked on a traditional grill. That being said, the reward wasn’t necessarily worth the risk. I caught my oven on fire several times, spent a lot of time holding a couple fans pointed towards the window to flush the smoke out, and cleaned up a lot of grease and fat from my oven. Regardless of all of that, I can’t help but love the fact that this actually worked. I had no idea they would turn out that good. They were delicious as hell, and only took a couple fires and close calls to make. Sounds like normal grilling, right?

So here’s my journey, hope you enjoyed it, try it at your own risk.

Superbowl Weekend: Toaster Oven Burgers/ Bacon

What’s up everyone!

As I’m sure you all know it’s Super Bowl weekend and I felt like doing an experiment instead of watching the Super Bowl since I don’t really care for football. WHAT?! I know what I just said so let me explain. When I was younger I actually did want to start playing football. My dad did, my uncles did, and basically everyone in the family did. But when a young child broke his neck and died while playing in the youth league in town because a coach there was forging papers and having older kids play down a level, it’s obvious to see why my parents didn’t let me. So instead I grew up playing soccer, and we tend to be rivals since, you know, the American sport stole our name and all. And from my experiences most of the football players in high school are shit heads. So I don’t really care for football. Not to mention the Chiefs suck.

So, back to the experiment. I’ve decided to grill burgers, but with a twist since the temperature outside continues to fluctuate around zero degrees. ZERO DEGREES FAHRENHEIT! That’s -32 degrees Celsius! Instead I’ll be using my trusty toaster oven, which is totally allowed in the dorms in college… The fire alarm went off three times a week my freshman year because jackass kids kept pulling it but not once because of my toaster oven. Fire hazard my ass!

I’m not sure what technique I’ll be using, if there even is a technique to cooking inside a toaster over. It’s just some semi-shitty $60 toaster oven I got from Target on sale for $40, plus a $20 off coupon. BOOM $20 toaster oven, and that’s honestly an appropriate price for what I got. Regardless It’s happening.

I’ve got a meat thermometer, a Rambo knife, shit loads of foil, a magazine I took from the pharmacy area in Hyvee about how to properly grill meats (like I said, it never hurts to learn something new), and a brick of beef thawing in the fridge (no seriously it’s a brick, my roommate asked me to throw it to him like a football and upon dropping it I’m pretty sure it chipped the concrete). Not to mention loads of excitement as well as some bacon! Unfortunately it’s just microwave bacon… BUT I’m cooking it inside the toaster oven as well. Because that’s what men do. I’ll make it up to you with some nice, expensive cheap ass bacon from Walmart.

Let’s see how this goes and I’ll get some pictures and a conclusion up within the next couple of days. Have a good Super Bowl weekend and be safe. None of that driving drunk bullshit. It costs $20 for cab fare or a hilarious drunk call to a friend to make it home safe. Seems like a lot less than a lifetime of guilt for killing an innocent person plus 5-10 in prison for manslaughter. So don’t be a fucking idiot.

Feelings Can Be Manly

Artists and their internal renditions

Artists and their internal renditions

Today’s prompt is about what’s really on the inside. I figured I’d take a few moments of your time and explain some feelings. Because feelings are manly. (Don’t worry I’ll throw some bacon in at the end)

As a student I often find myself overwhelmed and understaffed for the incoming hurricane of knowledge known as college. For most it is the next step in their education, but for many it is the only way to a better living than they’ve known before. I fall into the later category. Now before you get all butthurt and think of me as just another woe is me my life stinks kind of person, just remember these are my feelings. Feel free to express your feelings in the form of a comment, but remember I’ll do the same right back. So keep it clean and classy. Or I’ll find you and kill you with kindness. (or bacon, I haven’t decided)

Growing up I wasn’t privy to many luxuries other kids were allowed like heating, or air conditioning, or a hot water heater (for nine months at one point). I was born in Modesto, Calif. but my family soon migrated to Missouri when I was four years old. My childhood home (that I remember) was a real shit box. I have many fond memories of building awesome ramps for me to jump my bike off, but I have just as many memories of being scared, freezing my ass off in winter, and boiling water on the stove to shower with. A memory I won’t soon forget is of my favorite thing to do as a child, I often road to the nearest grain silos and climbed them unbeknownst to the owners, or my parents. But the chance to ride three miles to what is essentially a giant ladder to the sky in the middle of corn fields was priceless to me. The feeling of being free some three to four stories in the sky was an awesome feeling I can’t describe to anyone, especially at the age of 10 or younger. And it’s not like my parents were deadbeats, I love them both very much and everything they’ve done was and still is for me and my siblings, but some people are just less fortunate than others

My point being I was too young to realize what I was doing, but I know recognize those grain silos were a way to escape my somewhat shitty lifestyle I had become accustomed too. And regardless of how hard school gets, or how much inner turmoil is created due to family life, love life, or bacon being over cooked, I know that what’s inside of me will always triumph like a lion. A bacon loving lion. A bacon loving lion waiting to eat every other person in the world until I’m the alpha lion. So that I can have the worlds spoils of bacon!

Look, that was a shit metaphor, sorry for that. Regardless I know everyone else feels the same as I do. Overwhelmed, stressed out, tired, and worried about next weeks test you have yet to study for. It’s the way of the college student, and that is why we are all here. To get our degree, earn a bigger pay check than the generation before us, and escape the harsh realities of the world. And whether you fall into one of those, or all of them plus some, you need to remember that whatever your struggle, it’s possible to overcome. Look at Wheelz from Nitro Circusbest success story in my opinion. You have to remember that we are only 17-22 years old, which is only a fraction of our life that we have to live. Chill out and enjoy an ice-cold Cream Soda and remember, it’s ok to have feelings. Even if you are the manliest bastard out there. Just make sure that whatever is inside is reflected on the outside, not the other way around.

Now here’s that bacon I promised. You may think you cook bacon like a pro but If you’re like me and are always looking for ways to improve yourself, here is a proper technique on how to cook bacon. Watch it here.

Manly Vocabulary: Confidence

What’s up ladies and gentlemen, it has been awhile since I said I would start getting posts up so let’s get started with my first prompt from my Comp class which is “Confidence.”

Sure, confidence can be seen in many different ways by many different types of people, and I personally feel that every word has an infinite amount of definitions because every one puts different “umph” into words. Since this is a blog about manly shit, I figure we’ll keep it as awesome as possible and talk about some guns, death, bacon, and other stuff you hopefully care about.

I’m sure all of you have heard about the recent shootings that have been progressively occurring in America like a new fad (disgusting, I know). But I’m not so sure if all of you heard about the live press conference with our own Vice President Joe Biden, whom my dad still says is evil as hell and claims I know nothing of his evil shenanigans since I’m so young and he’s like, well, 1000 (Biden, not my dad). The cruel fact of the matter is that, regardless of opinions (including my own), guns are being fired towards innocent people and said innocent people are dying from them. You can argue whether it’s the gun’s fault, the mental instability of the owner, the gun was stolen, any variable you want, I don’t give a shit. 20 children, CHILDREN, died in the Newtown, Conn. shooting.  That’s disgusting. No, that’s fucking horrific. And if you don’t agree with me swearing, then you’re a communist because that deserved it.

I recently watched the “Fireside Hangout” filmed by the Whitehouse and hosted by PBS News Hour which also included some special guests, one of which being a personal favorite of mine, Phillip Defranco, a known Youtube personality. After watching the whole chat and seeing Biden’s responses as well as his take on the subject I couldn’t help but feel conflicted about everything. I feel the older/growing/ more mature me is agreeing with him in feeling if there is any way to save even one life that it is our human duty to try. And that if the ban on any type of weapon could help in any way then it seems necessary to me. Yet the reckless/ rebellious/ immature me strongly disagreed and felt that as an American the right to own guns is a very personal thing. And if anyone tries to infringe on my rights in any way it’s my duty as an American to scream “DON’T TREAD ON ME” as loud as a can and wildly fire my weapons into the air screaming ‘MERICA!! as people watch in horror and run for cover. 

But then I calmed down and came to a rational decision that foremost, as an American, I should have confidence in my nation and trust that the government will make decisions for the greater good. And I personally feel that a lot of people, as of the last couple years, have a growing cynicism in the American government because of Bush being elected when Al Gore actually won the popular vote (and you can read all about that bullshit right here), or because Obama got elected as America’s first “black” president, or the usual question of why we are in the Middle East, as well as taxes, sketchy congress members, health care, oil prices, whatever your cup of hatred is full of I’m sure you can relate a little bit.

And you may be reading this thinking I’m some type of hippy liberal who loves eating leaves and enjoys never eating protein but you’d be wrong. I am simply maturing with age and realizing that a lot of arguments are over bull shit, and that as American’s it’s our duty to trust in our nation and help regardless of opinions. Come on, we aren’t oppressed like North Korean’s, we aren’t starving like North Korean’s, and we aren’t eating other humans like North Korean’s. And if you have no idea what I’m talking about you can read all about it here and watch a video about it here.

But seriously, it is our duty to have confidence in our government and country. And if passing these gun laws will truly help in any way and save at least one life then it’s our job to let that happen. And I’m saying this as some one who has a strong family military background, has shot several guns including an AR-15 (my uncles to be exact, he’s a sheriff in Fort Scott, KS), and plans on owning several guns in his lifetime.

And if you don’t have confidence in America, it’s your job to change the shit you don’t like. Write your congressman/woman, post a petition to the Whitehouse website. And if you didn’t know that was a thing then you can learn about it here.

Hope you enjoyed what you’ve just read, I hope I’ve changed your mind in some way, and If you absolutely hate me now– deal with it.

I also promised bacon and you can find it right here.