Million Dollar Bacon With Dan Savage!

Hello everyone!

Last night I was lucky enough to be among a select few who were able to witness Dan Savage and all of his awesomeness in person. Ok, I lied, I wasn’t hand-picked or anything… It was a free show put on by my college. If you don’t already know, Dan Savage is an American author, journalist, and newspaper editor. He also writes the international relationship and sex advice column known as Savage Love. Savage has also been broadcast across MTV on his television show titled Savage U, where he speaks to individuals at different colleges about their problems pertaining to sex. 

I was of course excited as hell to see Dan Savage in person since I have been a fan of his for several years now. And I am especially a fan of his frankness and personal need to be as open and transparent as possible, I tend to find that a key trait in people I associate with. That being said, holy shit was he frank. I’ve watched him on television for a while now and like how open he is, but television is censored… This was not. Savage’s live ‘performance’ was 18+ only and I completely understand why, he literally answered every question we threw at him openly and as precise as he could, using common slang terms as well as medical references. And you know how accurate medicine is.

If you’re wondering just how open he was, here’s an example. Upon entering the room where Savage was to speak, we were all handed a note card and instructed to write a question down in hopes he would be able to answer it. Savage himself said he prefers to work in a “Q and A format” because that is the easiest way to get right to the point. But it makes sense that he does this, Savage is an advice columnist, he answers questions for a living. So upon receiving these note cards, a friend of mine and I decided to write the most absurd thing we could think of for a ‘straight’ male to say. Just to defend myself, if you are not ‘straight’ and are reading this, please don’t mistake anything I’ve said/say as ‘gay bashing.’ I am not a homophobe in any way, I have several homosexual friends and feel that everyone should have equal rights. I am do not participate ni any lgbt or gay rights clubs or organizations though, I was simply having some stupid fun with a friend.

That being said, we proceeded to write down: “Is it weird that I finger my butt-hole while I masturbate?” We never thought in a million years that Dan Savage would ever read that note card and actually answer it. Well, we were wrong… It was the first note card he read from and answered. And to give you an example of how open he is, he told us that it wasn’t weird at all, but becomes weird if we start doing it while we aren’t masturbating… if   we were doing that whilst speaking on the phone with our grandmother or during class. I literally cried hearing him say this. The fact that butt-hole and my grandma were used in the same sentence almost killed me. And the questions only got worse/better.

After he concluded our joke message, Savage continued rifling through every note card in his stack, answering every question to the best of his ability. However I couldn’t stop thinking that some of those questions seemed quite loaded, like some one else had the same idea as my friend and I did. Regardless, the jokes that came with the advice were priceless. I laughed so hard my jaw was sore, and that hasn’t happened since I saw The Dictator in theaters.

In conclusion, Dan Savage is    in my opinion    by far the best sexual education teacher I have ever had. The health teachers I’ve had throughout the years have simply been awful, one slept during class while we messed around because he was a wrestling coach and didn’t give two shits about teaching, and the other was to be a professional baseball player but tore something in his shoulder rendering him ineligible to play. The latter of the two was ridiculous, I’m not sure he could scratch his nose he was so muscular.

This post seems to be all over the place, but the main thing I wanted to get across was GO SEE DAN SAVAGE IF YOU EVER HAVE THE CHANCE! He was helpful, honest, funny, smart, and even stuck around to meet any of us who wanted to.

And if you never get a chance to see Dan Savage in person I’m sure you can look up anything you want about him on the internet. I hope you all have a nice day, here’s some bacon to make it better. It’s a recipe on how to make “million dollar bacon.”

Million Dollar Bacon Recipe

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